bonnytymepyrate: Gothic Lolita

Emilie Autumn (

bonnytymepyrate) wrote,
@ 2004-10-23 23:45:00

Current mood:	cynical
Current music:	Emilie Autumn: Gothic Lolita Demo

Gothic Lolita
So I'm home tonight finishing the lyrics for a song on my upcoming "Opheliac" album entitled "Gothic Lolita." Oddly enough, it's not about the fashion, though I am a huge fan of that as well (duh), but rather about the real thing, if you know wheat I mean. Really, what's more "gothic" than a child who grows up dead because of emotional murder at the hands of hapless pedophiles? Autobiographical? Well, sure, but find me a little girl who hasn't been fucked around with by some professor or other and I'll turn a rat into a bouquet of tea roses, I'm not so fucking special. So I'm having a bit of a hard time with it I don't mind saying, or maybe I do, because songs generally come so very easily to me, like trains of thought that happen to magically rhyme - not boasting a bit, because there's plenty of shit I'm bad at, like driving cars for example. So it really traumatizes me when the songs don't come easily because of some stupid block or because I'm subconsciously denying that any of this ever happened. Writing this song puts me into a really foul mood too. Time for some wine and soy cheese.

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	yobadself 2004-10-24 05:06 am UTC (link)
	As someone who writes poetry, I definitely can relate to what you're saying. It's like...sometimes I have something really important to say, but no words seem write, and it hurts NOT to write it, but it hurts TO write it as well. Enjoy your wine and soy cheese! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-24 11:56 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, thanks for understanding:) I get really pissed at myself when I don't get something right the first time, and this song has taken a couple of different turns... Hey, I'm going to e-mail you the CL quotes right now. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-25 12:04 am UTC (link)
	Wait! I can't find an e-mail for you! Am I dumb? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	yobadself 2004-10-25 12:35 am UTC (link)
	My email is: shocktreatment@gmail.com (Reply to this) (Parent)

	yobadself 2004-10-25 12:36 am UTC (link)
	And no, of course you're not dumb! I'm glad you asked, because the email address on my LJ profile blocks everything not in my addy book, so I wouldn't have gotten it there. :) You rock my world, doll. smiles again :) (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-25 12:40 am UTC (link)
	Aww, yer so sweeeet. Text on the way... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	littleninjafox 2004-10-24 05:18 am UTC (link)
	Yum. wine and soy cheese. You just made my tummy growl when I read that. ;) (Reply to this)

psychopompos
2004-10-24 05:23 am UTC (link)

I wish music came to me as easily as it does for you. I play the violin and I generally like to run around playing little snatches of odd melodies, but they don't really amount to much of anything. Never learned to play the piano either, so I can't really find harmonies for everything.

Maybe if you just picked up a voice recorder and just started saying things into it? I don't know. Maybe that helps. Sometimes it does to just say things. You pick up on little bits of pieces and then you can get going again.

And I shall be quiet now as I have taken up fifty lines or something. I hope it works out for you.

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	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:26 am UTC (link)
	Thank you for your thoughts and advice. Love that you play the fiddle;) (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	psychopompos 2004-10-26 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	Sadly, ent have enough time to practice. But I'm working on it! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-30 04:02 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, it's still fantastic, even if you only pull it out now and then for love! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	alicemeichi 2004-10-24 05:33 am UTC (link)
	I completely understand.. When I was younger, I was also emotionally and physically molested by a teacher for years. To this day, I'm completely sickened by age differences in relationships.. The amount of imbalance in maturity and manipulation bothers me.. Either the older person wanting to mold the younger, or the younger person wanting to be molded.. It's sickening. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:30 am UTC (link)
	Thanks for your understanding:) I hate to hear about your past pain, and I understand your feelings on age completely. Glad you're with us. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	relucesco 2004-10-24 05:38 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry your having trouble, Miss Emelie. Sometimes my photography is that way... although that's not the same as song writing, I'm sure.. I'll be sure to buy that album, though, the instant it comes out, if it makes you feel any better! Especially with a name like Gothic Lolita. Which is my current obsession. <3 Good luck with that! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	yobadself 2004-10-24 05:59 am UTC (link)
	I agree. Gothic Lolita = love. (Reply to this) (Parent)

bonnytymepyrate
2004-10-26 08:34 am UTC (link)

Thanks! It's hard not to get obsessed with GL fashion - it's made up of so many things I love, mainly victorian and a little bit of baroque styles. That's what's funny about it - I'm not into it because of the Japan connection or because of the morbid dolly imagery, though that is fun I admit, but because it's based on things I *already* was into. Most of those dolly dresses are just victorian gowns cut off at the knee;) Gotta love it!

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	inkigirl 2004-10-24 06:02 am UTC (link)
	Sometimes all you need is a good muse and a purring black cat (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:34 am UTC (link)
	cheers to that! (Reply to this) (Parent)

inkandalchemy
2004-10-24 07:22 am UTC (link)

As one of those rare little girls who was never fucked around with (or maybe I was, but was too oblivious to notice) I can't exactly say I sympathize - but I can say your music has always been beautiful and touching to me, and I'm sure "Gothic Lolita" will be no exception once it stops fighting you so hard.

But I do know how much it sucks to have something you're usually brilliant at suddenly spontaneously become a challenge. I've had that happen with novels I've been working on, and it BITES.

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	xochitl 2004-10-24 03:07 pm UTC (link)
	Exactly what I was thinking. :) (And granted I've never had that particular experience myself, I can certainly feel for those who have...) (Reply to this) (Parent)

bonnytymepyrate
2004-10-25 01:03 am UTC (link)

I should say that, when I am upset, my first instinct is to resort to pure sarcasm, and I don't honestly believe that ALL little girls are fucked with. I'm still disgusted at the sheer number that are however, and even one is too many. I'm sincerely happy for anyone who had a real chance to grow up.

Thanks for your thoughts and very very kind words, and good luck with your own writing! The wine and cheese thing worked out pretty well, for future reference;) I'm still fighting with this bitch today, but I figured out what the problem was at least - I'm worred that I'll be criticized or that people will be disgusted with me if I really say what I have to day, so I'm just going to be a woman about it and stand up to that if it happens.

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(Reply from suspended user)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:35 am UTC (link)
	haha, I will, I'm a lot better tonight;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

birdofparadox
2004-10-24 02:34 pm UTC (link)

Whether it comes easily, or like pulling teeth, one of the things I admire about your lyrics is that fanciful or not... it is always incredibly honest and real.

My demon came later in life, but I know how it can close you off from the world, and how it always sneaks up on me when I think I'm by and large over it. Hopefully, the song will help to exorcize.

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud...was more painful...than the risk it took to blossom. ~Maya Angelou

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	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:39 am UTC (link)
	Thank you for your sweet compliments:) This is definitely an excoecizing experience, as is a good bit if the album it comes from. It's funny that the Angelou quote says exactly what this song is about - that it hurts to break out of the bitter shell, but I'll die if I don't get beyond this and learn to love in the real grown up world. Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	icybright 2004-10-24 02:45 pm UTC (link)
	hugs you (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:40 am UTC (link)
	thanks;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	twilight_venus 2004-10-24 03:54 pm UTC (link)
	Hey. If you're still feeling like this, grab a blanket, a cup of your favorite tea, and Francesca Lia Block's "I Was a Teenage Fairy." Good luck. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-25 01:04 am UTC (link)
	I was curious about that book. What's it like? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

twilight_venus
2004-10-25 02:16 am UTC (link)

If you've never read anything by Block, RUN to the store and grab ANYTHING she's written. She's just that good. None of her books are very long, and the magic in her writing makes you want to devour the whole book in one sitting. I Was a Teenage Fairy is about a girl who is named Barbie by her mother, and is basically being groomed for the supermodel high-life that said mother wanted for herself and never had. There is some abuse at the hands of a slimy person in the industry, and Barbie copes by confiding in her "imaginary" friend Mab. The rest you'll have to read for yourself, because I never like telling the whole story to people, but I will say this: Every story Block has ever told, no matter how sad, has a happy ending.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

well, some people love it...

ngakmafaery
2004-10-26 10:19 pm UTC (link)

...and I found it *a little thin*. I think the point is super, that growing up can be isolating, and that being open to magic is a great thing that sometimes gets cut off after you get fucked around withm and that *you can get it back somehow*. I definitely even grew up with alcoholics and a lot of the usual--and unusual, but--

Again, maybe my view of magic is different, or something, so it didn't really do it for me--sort of smart-ass faeries getting wasted and being a bit too much like crass buddies for my fantasy-worlds taste--but I believe it has helped a bunch of folks, and for that I'm glad. I don't need to read another of her books, though--

(Reply to this) (Parent)

know what you mean...some insights

ngakmafaery
2004-10-24 05:10 pm UTC (link)

and have you listened to Kate Bush? Stupid question, but--the subtexts in her stuff, which to me scream stuff about incest while being haunting music, really came to mind. There have been times when I found certain of her albums or songs--Sensual World, and Infant Kiss, with what often happens if you too were molested etc.--just too...intimate and near-creepy, in that sort of way that some people had who partway liked or needed or didn't know better about abuse sort of project. I was just a straight-forward oh-this-person-is-abusing-me-too, which to me was almost more like a disappointment, that they weren't decent enough people to not do it, and was never something I secretly wanted or got any enjoyment from. I guess everyone's thing is different, but good luck finding what your approach is--AND DUDE JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO 'EVERYONE' DOESN'T MEAN IT WASN'T MAJOR FOR YOU, AND A BIG CHANCE TO HELP ISOLATED OTHERS! Give yourself some mercy and compassion, because that sort of stuff alters your life, even if you're tough and capable anyhow, know what I mean? Best of luck, and feel free to ask questions or anything...

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	Re: know what you mean...some insights bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:41 am UTC (link)
	Thanks sweetness, that's really nice of you. (Reply to this) (Parent)

offer of help

ngakmafaery
2004-10-24 05:30 pm UTC (link)

This may sounds whacked, but if you look at my journal, you'll see that I'm a buddhist priest who somehow has some fairly good powers of healing, which I do by donation--no money demands or anything, just whatever the person feels like, and I do it even if they don't pay. Anyhow, I just made this stuff last night, on a major buddhist Padmsambhava celebration day, that involves both bigtime magical tibetan buddhist shit to banish demons--the emotions and poisons in ourselves as well as outside badguys--and also this magical dance given to one of my teachers by this gorgeous female buddha. Man, sounds right up your alley. Tha way it works is you ask me--contact me privately, I think, on instant messenger or email of ukemishodan@care2.com --and I'll take it on your behalf, which means I dream your dream that night--shrug--just do--and also that you get tons of cool benefits, especially since I just had two major empowerments this weekend for dispelling all negativity etc. No guarantees or whatever, and no specific charge or anything, but I have never yet had people say it was bad or not helpful, and I have had tons of people (okay, several dozen) even with cancer and major stuff, like heart attack (*which got reversed in the hospital*), get dramatically better to the point where the doctors tell the patient to get lost because they don't understand what happened. ahahahahaha Emotional stuff gets much better too, and the person gets the blessings fo all the buddhas I have had initiations of--the full hundred in the tibetan viewpoint--and doesn't get converted or obligated to anything. I take the stuff myself because the one time I naively gave it to others, some guy fell down unconscious within a couple of hours, and somebody said it had knocked a demon out of him. As I say, just occurred to me as possibly helpful, and I keep it confidential, no publicity or silly ego, just do what I can to help, and hope it helps. The deal is that I get the side-effects, so I can diagnose illnesses or pains by actually feeling them, and just sort of *help* them, and so then I tend to get more abilities myself, because I am using my body and time and energy to help someone whom I don't even know, freely and just to help. It's the buddhist thing to do if you can, I guess.

Just letting you know I'm willing, and think it could be helpful--couldn't hurt for free, eh?

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	_metal_kitten_ 2004-10-24 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	huggles It's ok dearie. I know it's a hard thing and I know that it's sensitive to write about but you may find it easier to get it out into song form, kind of like therapy. So use your experience, open your feelings and let the words flow. hugs Be a strong dollie, you'll get through it, I know you will. Love ya. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-26 08:43 am UTC (link)
	Love ya too;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

edens_echo
2004-10-25 12:35 am UTC (link)

*hugs* This has made me think of a few things but mostly it made me think of how the book is really of the style. (hopefully my dorky english major tangent will distract you?)

When Gothicism as a literature style began, it was a way for writers to use sexual intrigue, terror, and a different setting to displace and force confrontation with contemporary problems . . . US gothicists tended to enforce social conventions (because they were so newly formed) while British gothicists challenged them.

Gothicism negotiates a relationship with the strange, unseen and unspeakable . . . it creates other worlds to reflect upon recognizalbe but unutterable aspects of our own world . . . recurring theme of house as a central aspect of the tale (The Fall of the House of Usher)/ challenge of domestic relationships.

I'm very, very fond of the novel because it's just amazing and so good. I like the fashion movement as well, though I have a problem with those who deny the connection between the fashion and the novel. :/

Take a step back from 'Lo. Go write something else, anything else. Neil Gaiman said the best cure for writers block is writing something else. It keeps you going, refreshes your mind, proves that yes, you can still write.

I hope this helped . . . or at least distracted you a little.

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bonnytymepyrate
2004-10-26 08:56 am UTC (link)

This was really cool of you to write, and reminds me of some studying I did some years back when I was fascinated by how the word 'goth' went from barbarian goths to modern day fashion. Through the way, I learned some awesome things about art and literature and victorian dead tree gardens. When I finally owned up to being somewhat 'gothic' myself, it was only because I realized that it wasn't a superficial attempt to seem darker than thou, but was pretty much what you wrote - a way to come to terms with things we don't address in daily life. I also learned that is was OK to celebrate the dark parts of mentality instead of pretending they don't exist. After all, that's where humor comes from;)
Oh, and I agree with you that, denying the connection between the novel or at least the idea behind the novel is kinda silly. I think it's OK to say, "yes, I'm dressing like a babydoll, yes, I know it could be erotic to some, and I don't fucking care, I'm doing it because I like it, and if you can't handle it, tough." Or something like that...;) In this song I'm writing, I do address the connection, but I intend to turn the tables and have the babydoll fantasy girl become a frightening figure who comes back in armies to haunt those men who eroticized her in the first place. Because you and I both know that there is nothing erotic about little kids. So when we own up to the fact that lolita dressing is potentially erotic, we're also owning up to the fact that it shouldn't be erotic, but that some sickos eroticized it. Kind of like the nurse fetish, which has done nothing but damage to the nursing profession. I'll stop ranting...I just got on some crazy thought train there;)

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edens_echo
2004-10-27 01:44 am UTC (link)

I'm glad you appreciated it . . . I think it was just really good timing, since in one of my classes we had gone over what gothic literature is. And it actually made me look at Lolita and the novel we're discussing and how they connect even more, and how Lolita is gothic in the first place.

What bothers me is when EGL's call themselves "nymphettes," because that's a term directly from the novel, that's what Humbert refers to girls like Lo.

In the song you could say Lolita is claiming her sweetness and lace as her own, and not as a projection of what her "Humbert" wants her to be. Just my spin on it.

Oh don't worry about the crazy thought train, I had to stop myself a couple of times here . . .not everyone is a crazy english major like you . . . heehee I tend to get carried away. obviously.

I bet this would be a fun discussion to have over tea. Too bad this is prevented by infinite things in the way :/

I definitely recommend reading the book though. Nabokov's use of language is amazing, and if you can get an annotated version all the better, if only because he uses a fair amount of french, since Humbert is supposed to be classically educated. And it's nice to know what's being said. ^_^

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bonnytymepyrate
2004-10-27 04:17 pm UTC (link)

I've also heard it said many times that EGL is NOT sexual in it's homeland of Japan because their adult males do not have the 'little girl' fantasy some westerners do and that they do not sexualize that lolita image. Hmm. I could be an ignorant ass, and prolly am, but I have a reeeally hard time beliving that in it's entirety. And, this contrasts directly with some other things I've read that say that Japan is historically more open about sexual relationships between older men and young girls. It doesn't really matter, I just agree that there is a lot more to this fashion trend then some might admit to. That being said, I totally love it, and, sexualized or not, I love how girls in Japan can walk around in the lolita style and not be completelly attacked, which is what I feel would happen here if we were to dress like that. Jeez, I get fucking cat calls if I wear a winter coat!
I wish we could talk over tea too, let me know if you'r ever in ChiTown;) I'm not an English major, but I would have been if I didn't go to music college. Stupid music college...

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edens_echo
2004-10-28 04:52 am UTC (link)

I have a hard time believing that as well, I would be stunned if that was truly the case.

I totally hear you on the street harassment rant! I had to deal with that at a show the other night . . . "stop staring at me!" *grrrr* Seriously, it's called manners.

Oh music college isn't stupid! It's definitely what you're good at, and you really truly bring something totally unique to the scene (whatever the "scene" may be) and I for one love it!

See, now I'm going to try and plan a trip . . . heehee. *tries not to look evil* ^_^

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	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-30 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, come on over! The tea is on! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	moonbeamfluff 2004-10-30 05:11 pm UTC (link)
	Its funny... Its not even always adults/pedophiles that destroy children through sexual harassment and such- I was sexually harassed by my own peers in middle school... God. It made me scared of everyone for ages, and I still am to an extent, and I still go absolutely nuts if people touch me. But your song turned out beautifully. I adore your work. :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bonnytymepyrate 2004-10-30 08:09 pm UTC (link)
	That's true. I understand abut the touching thing, I couldn't shake hands or hug people for a few years. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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